By Todd W. Dunn, PhD
As Christmas time approaches, I am reminded of a man that has become a symbol of the holidays. Not only does he teach millions the true meaning of Christmas every year, but he has won our hearts through his relentless crusade for the family. No, he’s not perfect, alas none of us are, but this man stands out as a bastion of light in a world that is forgetting the value of an honest day’s work, family dinners and cutting down your own Christmas tree. Of course, I’m talking about Clark Griswold, from the holiday classic National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.
Perhaps, Clark Griswold is not the man you were thinking of, but, joking aside, I do think he provides an example to men of how we can make the most of the holidays. In fact, if we men take to heart the three tips presented below, I’d wager that the holidays become less of an endurance test, where we take on the persona of Bear Grylls’ to survive scary run ins with in-laws, extended family, road-trips with the kids, Christmas carols, garlands, etc., and more about rejuvenation, reconnection and celebrating what you value most.
1) Build Closeness
As Christmas day approached, Clark Griswold seemed to isolate himself more and more from his family. He disappeared into his work and projects that lasted for hours, like stapling thousands of Christmas lights to his house. As a result, he lost touch with his support group and felt like he had to manage his difficulties alone.
I’m not saying we should stop working or pursuing important projects (I say important because some projects are, let’s be honest, glorified excuses to get out of the house.). I’m saying we should stay focused on what we really need, which is to feel useful, cared for and connected. These needs are best met by building relationships with significant others, not accomplishing impressive feats alone. With Clark Griswold, no one else really cared about the crazy Christmas decorations anyway.
So, make time in your hectic holiday schedule to stay connected. You may invite your significant other or kids to join you on a project, ask your partner if there is something you can help with and do together, or skip one Christmas party to make sure you keep date night. Remember, the focus should be on relationships, not outcomes.
2) Share Expectations
Clark Griswold was bound and determined to have the best Christmas ever. He drug his children out to the wilderness to find a “real” Christmas tree, bought a new swimming pool to surprise his family and used up the city’s electricity when covering his house in lights, all in the hopes of providing his family with a extraordinary holiday experience. The problem was that no one else knew what he wanted, so he was continually let down and disappointed.
Believe it or not, you also have holiday expectations. What are they? Given your current circumstances, what would your ideal Christmas holiday look like? Now, instead of waiting for others to read your mind, share these expectations. It may also be a good idea to ask what other’s expectations are, so you can work together to find common ground. The reciprocal sharing and asking for what you need will build unity and increase the likelihood that you’ll actually get your expectations met. Who knows, maybe you can trade three hours at the mall this Saturday, shopping for relatives you don’t even know, for an activity you actually enjoy.
3) Take a Break
While holidays provide a great deal of joy, they are also often fraught with gargantuan to-do-lists and increased stress. Clark Griswold never seemed to have down time, where he wasn’t preoccupied with some activity. You may likewise be determined to create a magical holiday experience for your family. Or, you may find yourself recruited by a well-meaning spouse to help spread holiday cheer. Whatever the case, remember to regularly take time to care for yourself. A relaxing bath, morning jog or football game with your feet up may be just what you need to feel recharged. Of course, you may want to combine these three tips by letting your spouse know ahead of time (share expectations) and/or invite your significant other to join you (build closeness).
The take home here is that the holidays are what you make them. If you are mentally, spiritually and physically well, you are much more likely to take part in the spirit of the holidays and help those around you do the same.
